moments – wild California skies

December 28, 2016 

Highway 101, on the drive home from Pinnacles National Park

John Denver, “Wild Montana Skies”

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John Denver’s Rocky Mountain Collection twangs from the stereo of our Vovlo cross-country wagon, the car that always came with us no matter where we went. My six-foot-two brother is squeezed next to me in the backseat, going on about “family time” as we annoy my sister with our loud camp songs and attempt to beat our father at a car game we never won as kids. Small-town signs and palm trees silhouetted through the windows against the clear California sky.

The orange of the sunset fades to pink, then blue, then black. The stars are indistinguishable from the headlights on the highway the closer we get to home. The music gets louder and the conversation quiets, until it’s just me, thinking, watching my inky country fly by. John Denver sings softly about the American Dream, the world I grew up idealizing: hard work, family, the wild West. It makes me so hopeful for my future, grateful for my freedom.

My whole world is open roads & endless possibilities

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wild

fleeing outside, flying kites
meandering barefoot in the twilight

we run wild
up hills to the parks
where we can get lost together
midday past dark

Where we would wander,
cold and wet
through rain-soaked forests
all of the red orange yellow-browns
of the leaves that cover the ground
hiding the dirt and roots from the trees
a month ago pounded underneath my bare feet

still tracing the patterns the trees create,
except with you, I don’t mind the wait

you kiss me,
unafraid,
hold me tight.
together, we laugh about the things we fear alone in the night

we talk about the past and the future, too
things that are important to you
me
family
a half-forgotten memory

And I feel heard and seen and felt so deeply
in a way that gives me energy
makes me want to
want to do,
want to be
be with you

but I’m also stronger on my own
you’re vanilla tea in my heart when I’m alone

down St.Laurent at sunset
lights strung up and down the boulevard
watching our city glow so bright
I feel so very loved, so light

The clouds & the colors paint the sky
now I’m with you
I don’t have to try
to be
anything except for me

nights spent in your arms
rain pours outside
but nothing can touch us,
intertwined

hidden, under covers
my best friend, my lover
Scratch, kiss, moan, bite
fuck me and it’s wild, it’s right

dancing wild
running free
absolutely irrationally

while logically
we make ourselves believe
the lies we tell ourselves
don’t think about
the day I have to leave