you said you loved me because we were about to hang up and it was something you felt like you should do. because we always do.
whether or not it felt true
I know you still meant it
because of words exchanged
ages ago, what feels like so far away
that’s why they say it’s hard
that’s why they call it faith
I tell myself that I just have to breathe
& that I believe
that you’re not gonna leave
isn’t it wild how the hardest thing
is just trusting
that you love me, no matter what
whether or not I think deserve your love
// what’s love gotta do with it, when I don’t love myself?
the way you talk when you’re vulnerable is full of pauses. you’re holding back so you don’t hurt. you say “I” and then you give a half laugh, your breath gets caught in your throat because you’re close to crying but you don’t want to let yourself, you second-guess yourself but you’re going to say it anyway – whatever it is. you’re so mad, you miss me, you’re sad or insecure or lost and don’t know how or what to do. because I hurt you
I, 12:15 AM, 6 February 2018:
Your hair sticks up & your eyes shine green w love & respect & admiration, so softly looking at me
and it’s so powerful. you have no idea how it feels to be looked at so lovingly, how it makes me want to be. I know you would do anything for me, you see & you love so very deeply
and I feel so warm and safe under your gaze, though I know you’re miles away. it’s the most spectacular thing, the best part of my life, still, to this day
II, 1:38 AM, 9 February, 2018:
because I never could have imagined this to be late night talks with the best of me.
talking through insecurities at midnight, cracking jokes during the daylight; spitting rhymes instead of goodbyes and your beautiful green/blue eyes transmitted thru low quality wifi.
I never could have imagined how happy this makes me feel, how what we have is still so wonderful and real. you’re still here, with me, regardless of the geography.
There are never words enough
but you will always be, my love
that’s the way every day goes, every time we have no control
If the sky is pink + white, everything will turn out alright
It’s the same way you showed me (shooowed me)
You showed me love
Glory from above