wild

fleeing outside, flying kites
meandering barefoot in the twilight

we run wild
up hills to the parks
where we can get lost together
midday past dark

Where we would wander,
cold and wet
through rain-soaked forests
all of the red orange yellow-browns
of the leaves that cover the ground
hiding the dirt and roots from the trees
a month ago pounded underneath my bare feet

still tracing the patterns the trees create,
except with you, I don’t mind the wait

you kiss me,
unafraid,
hold me tight.
together, we laugh about the things we fear alone in the night

we talk about the past and the future, too
things that are important to you
me
family
a half-forgotten memory

And I feel heard and seen and felt so deeply
in a way that gives me energy
makes me want to
want to do,
want to be
be with you

but I’m also stronger on my own
you’re vanilla tea in my heart when I’m alone

down St.Laurent at sunset
lights strung up and down the boulevard
watching our city glow so bright
I feel so very loved, so light

The clouds & the colors paint the sky
now I’m with you
I don’t have to try
to be
anything except for me

nights spent in your arms
rain pours outside
but nothing can touch us,
intertwined

hidden, under covers
my best friend, my lover
Scratch, kiss, moan, bite
fuck me and it’s wild, it’s right

dancing wild
running free
absolutely irrationally

while logically
we make ourselves believe
the lies we tell ourselves
don’t think about
the day I have to leave

autumn

part I: whirlwind

the dream shattered,
the heat broke the streak,
water poured from the sky while the clouds swirled through time
and the trees shook in fear and wonder,
whirled by the wind coming from all directions.

And me?
I danced in the rain
until I came home to a friend
then went to a boy who gave me himself,
but was I enough?

I came home the next morning and fall had begun;
long sleeves and slow days of cooking and reading,
sipping tea and believing,
while outside the rain pours and the world spins, we watch and contemplate the changes

//

part II: cinnamon sunlight

the warm taste of cinnamon in my mouth
of apples and banana muffins and sweet kisses of kindness.
friends and loves and leaves.

we allow our colors and our minds to change with the weather
capricious as the cinnamon sunlight.
The golden-orange tones that brighten the parks and the mountain,
like the smile that lights up his face

like rain falls to the earth and leaves fall to the ground,
I fall into and out of love,
a container created by a metaphor,
a model for anthropomorphic human experience.

because love isn’t a place in which we can save ourselves
and autumn isn’t a state of nature but of mind.

and they’re two of the most beautiful concepts in the world,
rendered ever more valuable by their fleeting nature

//

part III: electric

aware, alert
alarm ringing at dark
before he or the streets can awaken, I part
flying to finish commitments at dawn
the curtains, the trees, so carefully drawn

fluorescent lights glowing
overflowing, inside
golden light shines
on the things that we hide

I chase secret, sacred sunrises
as light streams through slumbering city streets
the sun stretches her limber light
over the buildings,
the end of the night

I try to recreate the way the light shines
through the leaves and the streets, remember what’s mine
the way the world lights up,
electric

eternally enthralled by the red-orange glows
the way that my paintbrush catches and throws
all of the colors that compose
my city, my home
my love, my life
the days and nights

time passes
as the sun rises & sets
and the sky turns electric before the city does

We continue our cycles,
sleeping and waking,
growing then breaking,
harnessing energy
electri(city)

when the sky fades to dark and the lights come out,
the city dreams, and screams, and shouts

Releasing parts of ourselves,
we learn to go without
like the trees let their leaves
fall without a doubt

like the electricity that filled my body
for you
faded, evaporated
fizzled out

Electric, and alone
the sky alight
so beautiful,
so peaceful,
hold on tight

But it’s better just to be alone
than to wish you could be on your own,
right?

Tired as the nights grow longer
as I sleep less and less
And as the shadows grow, on edge
I try not to stress

how are you supposed to see
without electricity?
how are you supposed to feel
when you no longer know what’s real?

as the days get shorter
and crisper
and colder
ever more beautiful
ever more full

I can already taste the end of fall
the bittersweet dark chocolate and lavender calls
the scent of the pavement after rain pours
always hinting at something more

taking chances, the seasons cycle through
falling in love every month or two
always doubting what is true
never able to wait, for you